The 30 Best Chandler Bing One-Liners from Friends

Published by Seth Quillen in: Television,Top Ten Lists -- Date: 16 Jan 2015 Comments: 0


Chandler Bing Matthew Perry FriendsHere’s Part 2 of our celebration of all things Friends and it’s a good one. Chandler Bing was the lovable scared of commitment funny man. He had more straight up one-liners than any other cast member and know one could have played him better than Matthew Perry. Even if toward the end of the series they were usually just comments about how he was womanly. Chandler’s quotes were so  we had to throw you 30 instead of the usual Top Ten Chandler Quotes.

30. Hey-hey! I thought Naked Thursdays was just our thing, man!

29. Wait. Did I just say If I were a guy?

28. It bodes well for me that speed impresses you.

27. He said he was going to do my inseam, and he ran his hand up my leg, and then there was definite… Cupping.

26. Well, my grandfather was Swedish and my grandmother was actually a tiny little bunny.

25. Ross, just for my own peace of mind – you’re not married to any more of us, are you?

24. What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?

23. Oh, you know, I would, but that might get in the way of my lying-around time.


21. I think, for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y’know? I mean, it’s like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.

20. I’m not great with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?… Cheese?

19. Oh, yes. Just had me a little nubbin-ectomy. Yep. Two nipples, no waiting.

18. You know what? We have to turn off the porn.

17. Well, let’s see, Joey was born, and then 28 years later, I was robbed.

16. That’s a good one too, Pheebs. Now all you have to find is a planeload of people whose New Year’s resolution is to plummet to their deaths.

15. Okay. But you should know he eats five times a day and shoves pennies up his nose!

14. So great things are happening at work and in your personal life!

13. Gum would be perfection. Gum would be perfection. I could have said gum would be nice, could have said I’ll have a stick. But no no no no no, for me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.

12. When I walk outside naked, people throw garbage at me.

11. Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian. Did I say that out loud?

10. I mean, if you’re not careful, you may not get married at all this year.

9. He could’ve gotten me a hat or a set of golf clubs, but no, he has to get me THE WOMEN REPELLER! The eyesore from the LIBERACE HOUSE OF CRAP!

8. Richard’s really nice and everything. Uh… It’s just that we don’t know him really well, you know, and plus, he’s, you know… old.

7.I’m sorry, it was a one-time-thing. I was very drunk and it was someone else’s subconscious.

6. Well, actually yesterday I was smoking again, today I’m smoking still.

5. Ross, when you picture Phoebe living on the street, is she surrounded by the entire cast of Annie?

3. Easy for you to say; you don’t have to go around wearing a REJECT from the MR. T COLLECTION! I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry! I do, I do!

2. Well, no, the best reason to get married is pregnancy. Sorry’s about fourth, behind being ready and actually wanting to get married.

1. Oh, I know. This must be so hard. Oh, no! Two women love me. They’re both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet’s too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight!


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